Sauer's knee deep in his new PS3 and Metal Gear.  Duke is newly single and struggling through a very dry season for games.  Here's a couple super quick wrap ups:

Wii review Boom Blox:

Easily the most sensitive and well designed use of the Wii Remote yet.  This game is the new go to party game for Wii owners, but single players should steer clear as the single player campaign isn't so hot.  A huge amount of variation to the party modes will keep players busy for a long time to come.

Xbox 360 review Tomb Raider Anniversary:

I LOVED Tomb Raider Legend.  It was fun, smartly designed and hard to put down.  Anniversary falls well short of that for me.  It just seemed uninspired, and honestly I got stuck on a couple levels because the puzzles just weren't intuitive.  If you've got a hankering for Lara Croft, check out Anniversary or wait for the next one.  Skip Anniversary.

More updates upcoming.

Duke

I was surprised by Bully.  I wasn’t by CSI: Hard Evidence. It was exactly what I expected it to be, a barely mediocre game who’s stories were compelling enough to want to finish, and game play barely an afterthought in the design process.  CSI: HE is a point and click game where you take the place of a nameless, faceless newbie at CSI’s Las Vegas offices who goes along on missions with 5 of the main characters from the show.  You travel from crime scene to interrogation, moving your cursor around until it changes colors or asking EVERY SINGLE dialogue option until you can’t ask anything else.  You also spend time in the lab, matching prints or DNA or piecing together broken things… but all this becomes moot when you realize you can’t lose.  You can’t say anything or do anything to actually lose the game, and there are an unlimited number of “hints” which spell out exactly what to do at any time.  Clearly, challenge wasn’t an issue for the designers.
 

It’s the easiest 1000 points I’ve gotten, and I would have felt kinda dirty getting them if the story wasn’t compelling…but it kinda was. It was a whole lot like watching 5 episodes of the story unfold…slowly and with lots of unnecessary looking around... I couldn’t help but get sucked into the whodunit plots, especially since they each last just over an hour. The game is rated M for good reason. The second case has you grabbing DNA samples off used condoms for instance.

Still, aside from the easy points or decent story there's not much reason to play CSI: Hard evidence.  Come to think of it… just rent a DVD of the show. Save yourself the 5 hours unless you’re obsessed with the series or you gamerscore.

Grade : D

Duke

Oh and while I didn’t play it on the Wii, I’d imagine it would be easier to “play” with the wii remonte, and the graphics are PS2 quality as it is…

Having just finished GTA IV, I wasn’t exactly excited to see that Gamefly sent me Bully: Scholarship Edition, a title that was pretty far down my list, but happened to be immediately available.  Much to my surprise, I really enjoyed Bully, so much so that I found myself playing it for hours at a time each night until I finished the game.  It’s one hell of a fun game, but is certainly a flawed experience.

Many of the reviews for this game spoke of crippling bugs, game freezing, achievement’s not unlocking and other problems like that.  I’m happy to say the patch that Rockstar has released solved those problems. I had zero freezes and every achievement unlocked immediately when it should have.

The basic premise is this: You’re a misfit kid named Jimmy who has been expelled from school after school, comes from a broken home and loves to rumble.  Your mother drops you off at Bullworth Academy, a sort of reform school, on her way to her 7^th honeymoon and you’re tasked with attending classes and completing all sorts of missions.  These missions take place all over campus, as well as in the three surrounding areas of town.  The game is not nearly as large as GTA games, but the level design is clever and varied from area to area, so much so that you’ll find yourself completely disregarding the map after a few hours because you know the best ways around town by sight.

The mission structure is similar to that of GTA, a yellow circle will appear somewhere on the map and once you step in the mission begins.  A big difference is the fact that the missions are varied, much more so than in GTA games.  You rarely repeat the same type of mission more than once (unless you count the optional errands, which still don’t really repeat) and find yourself doing something new and fun each time. Oh and another thing, there are MID-MISSION CHECKPOINTS! It’s hard to believe that Rockstar did this for Bully, but didn’t for GTA, but they certainly did… Anyway…  An added layer of complexity is introduced depending on how you play the game. If you choose to take on missions during school time (9:00-11:00 am and 1:30-3:30 P.M), your “trouble meter” is partially filled as you are involved in truancy.  If a teacher on campus sees you, they will chase after you and if they catch you, you’ll be dragged into whichever class is currently in session.  Of course you can run away and hide in lockers, trashcans or other places and you can choose to mash on the Y button to punch the authority figure in the balls and run away.  The more trouble you cause, the more your trouble meter fills and the harder it is to escape from authority figures.  But the thing is it’s not a bad thing to get caught most times.  You’re only punishment is losing some of the items you have in your inventory, but the items are so easily replenished, you’ll never bat an eye.  Plus, going to class is a real treat.

There are a slew of different classes, ranging from English to Chemistry, Art to Shop, Music to Biology and more.  Every class involves you playing a mini game of some sort in order to pass that particular level.  Each class has 5 levels and you are rewarded greatly for completing classes.  For instance passing Geography will cause your map to be filled with more and more helpful information, including the locations of every ‘hidden’ item in the game, making the 100% achievement much easier to get, and honestly a ton of fun.  There aren’t an enormous amount of silly hidden packages (like finding 200 pigeons), only 75 rubber bands and 40 Grottos and Goblins cards, and just during the course of the game you’ll have found 75% of them by exploring a bit.  Passing English class makes it easier to score with the ladies and increases the health bonus you get for kissing the girls (or boys).  Each of the mini games is well designed (although very easy), with one notable exception.  The Shop class is broken, you find yourself having to guess what the next motion will be because it will fail you before you even see what you’re supposed to do. 

The graphics are dated, clearly looking like spruced up PS2 graphics, and having just finished GTA IV, it was even more noticeable.  The camera also gets stuck at times.  These technical problems are bothersome, but I’ve come to expect them from Rockstar.  Rockstar did a fine job with all of the voice acting.  The cut-scenes are well done and the in game dialogue and comments you hear from other students and townfolk are hilarious.  For some great laughs, dress in a silly outfit and just walk around, listening to the hundreds of comments and insults people will throw at you as you go about your business.

There is an amount of customization of your clothing is staggering, but a little shallow.  You can dress yourself in thousands of combinations of clothing (everything imaginable) but the outfits will either be seen as “good” or “bad” by other people, which affects their comments to you on the streets and whether or not the gals and guys will make out with you. 

There are a few ways to get around campus and town: on foot, skateboard, bicycles, Mopeds and eventually Go-Karts.  Skateboarding is annoying since any time you try to turn, you get thrown off course and the camera goes a bit wonky and every time you touch a curb or go from one terrain to another, you get thrown off course again.  Very frustrating, especially when you’re trying to get somewhere in a certain time limit.

The challenge level is also a bit disappointing.  This game is EASY, so easy that I don’t think I failed more than 4 or 5 missions and 1 class during the entire game, and each of those were because of technical issues rather than difficulty.  There’s a TON of stuff to do, but with it being so easy, it’s pretty easy to finish the game in 25 hours and get 100% completion in 30 or so, and that’s taking your sweet time (The Carnival can be a big time waster, as can the 4 different arcade games). 

Bully is a wonderful way to spend a week or two.  The missions are varied, the story is quite funny and there is a lot to do that’s actually worth doing.  However the technical issues, dated look of the game and difficulty (or lack thereof) make it a rental rather than a purchase.  I’d suggest not playing it back to back with GTA IV though, as too much open world gaming is bad for the brain.  I’m craving a nice linear game.  I’ve got CSI at the house for the little lady, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I timed out sending back Bully just enough that I’ll be rocking Ninja Gaiden II by week’s end.

Score: B-

Mahalo,

Duke

Ever since Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness: Episode One was announced, I’ve been waiting with bated breath to play it.  I’m not a Penny Arcade fanatic, although I do take an hour or so a month to scroll through weeks and weeks of their strips, but knowing that a turn-based RPG with a sense of humor would be available got me excited.  When it finally arrived, I downloaded it immediately and dove right in.

Right off the bat, the art style jumps off the screen, looking much like an animated version of their comic strip. A wonderful bonus is the fact that you start off creating a character (with a rather limited creation system), which is then fully integrated into the game’s cut-scenes.  It’s a real treat to see your own creation so well represented in the story, and that explains why there aren’t a ton of options for customizing your character.  The graphics are crisp and the animation is consistently fluid, making it really seem like you’re getting a polished game.

The gameplay is a mixture of active time battle and turn based RPG elements.  Although that might turn off some gamers, rest assured the battles require precise timing and constant attention (especially if you’re trying for all the achievements).  There are also special attacks which require a quick button pressing mini-game in order to be properly executed, adding a little more depth to the fighting system.  The fighting system isn’t exactly deep, but for a turn based game, it keeps you engaged and doesn’t get tiring throughout the 3 major stages of the game.

One of the places the game suffers most is in the sound department.  There is a narrator at the beginning of the game, but he disappears after the first stage, and that’s the end of the voice acting.  There are very few sound effects, and this is most noticeable during battles, where you’ll hear the same 4 or 5 sounds over and over again.  The soundtrack is impressive, and doesn’t grate on you, but it’s not enough to cover for the rest of the audio-deficiencies.  Another negative aspect is the lack of any type of store to buy items.  Instead, you are forced to break box after box after box to find items (although enemies drop them as well).  Also, the level-up system is a little simplistic and totally automatic, there are no new weapons, only upgrades and there aren’t very many item types.

But the real selling point of Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness: Episode One is the story, and it’s a wonderful one.  Although the creators don’t exactly break new ground with the overall plot, their unique sense of humor shines through in every aspect of the game, from the character designs, to the dialogue and item descriptions.  This is probably the funniest game I’ve played since Psychonauts, and the humor doesn’t trail off at the end like in Psychonauts. You definitely do not need to be a fan of (or even have read) Penny Arcade to enjoy this game.  There are certainly quite a few inside jokes, but they are normally relegated to signs in the background or lines the NPCs will state, so the uninitiated won’t feel left out.

At 1600 Microsoft Points ($20), PAAOTRSPODEO is the priciest XBLA game yet, and it’s the biggest stumbling block for most people I’ve talked to. Hearing that a 4-6 hour game is running twenty bucks seems to turn people off, but how many non-puzzle games are there on LIVE that have that much original content?  Not many. And it’s a disappointment when the game is over, but not the kind of disappointment where you wish you could take your points back, it’s the kind where you wish you could play the next episode right away.  There are only 3 main stages (with two smaller stages where very little happens aside from a tutorial) but they are each totally unique and allow for a good bit of exploration (especially for achievement whores like me) Bottom line, it’s definitely worth the money if you enjoy the humor (check out the demo to be sure), enjoy a good turn based RPG or like to try something different now and again.  With so many people complaining about the amount of utter crap on XBLA, it’s nice to see a game like PAAOTRSPODEO come along and silence them (until the next Sudoku game shows up).

If you’re reading this blog, you’ll most likely enjoy the humor of PAAOTRSPODEO (not that we’re anywhere near as talented as they, just we tend to skew on the darker/more cynical side of humor) and shouldn’t hesitate downloading the game.  It’s short, but not too short where you don’t get your money’s worth.  I can’t wait till Episode Two.

Score: B+

Duke

Oh and an unrelated side comment: Rather than de-list underperforming games to de-clutter the system, isn’t it about time for a complete overhaul of the store system? It’s just too big to keep it like it is, having to scroll through hundreds of pages of stuff, not knowing what most of it is, and having to wait for a slow scroll on the right side of the screen to give you a poorly written description is not going to cut it anymore.  It’s Time for a redesign Microsoft!  I hear you’ve got a few guys that work on this kind of stuff, so how about putting it into the Fall Update?

By now most of you have read some of the extremely positive, perfect 10/10 GTA4 reviews by the gaming press. I'm not hear to tell you that GTA4 doesn't deserve high scores. It does, but is it really flawless? Not even close. The truth is GTA4 has plenty of faults that have haunted the series since the series first went 3D on the PS2. So instead of repeating every other review of the game, I've decided to focus on the problems with GTA4. Once again, GTA4 is an excellent and epic gaming experience, one that will definitely go down with the greatest, but there is always room for improvement.

To me, the bulk of the games problems can be summed up quite easily in the last mission of the game. It's the kind of mission that will force controllers to be thrown, and hair to be pulled out. Not because of it's difficulty, but because of game's various gameplay problems. When you finally finish it, you'll not only be glad it's over, you may never want to pick up the game again. Without going into spoilers here is a list of the problems with the last mission, that also happen to be the the weakest aspects of the GTA4 experience.

- No Checkpoints - This is a biggie. GTA4 now allows you to restart missions almost instantly if you have failed them, which is a huge plus over the older games. The problem? You'll be playing all of these missions from the beginning every time, and if you died, with less ammo, armor, and money. This isn't a huge issue in the earlier, shorter missions, but once you are further in the game and you start playing missions that can take up to 20 or 30 minutes it becomes a major annoyance. This is partly because of the chaos of the GTA open world universe. After gunning down 30 or so criminals, and making an escape for it, you may be forced to loose your police wanted level. This can be either extremely easy, or frustratingly difficult depending on a lot of factors. Playing through an entire mission only to fail because of a stupid random accident is maddening. Particularly if your mission involves one of....

It's also fair to say that the game lacks variety in it's mission structure. Out of the 94 missions I completed, I would say only 20-30 of them were really memorable or different. Occasionally during a mission some cool and unique gameplay will pop up, but for some reason these are one-time only affairs. Why the developers didn't use these new gameplay ideas more often is baffling. Considering that the..

I didn't even mention the overly complex controls, buggy cover system, and numerous technical glitches. Mainly because they are much improved over the previous generation's iterations. GTA4 may not be the best racing, shooting, boating, action,drunk driving, dating sim, bowling, and online game, but the sum of it's parts greatly outweigh the negatives. It really is the best open world game ever created.

The short answer: No, at least not yet.

My biggest problem with Nintendo this generation is the fact that they’re selling everyone on potential, what the system might do or could do, not totally on what it’s currently doing.  As far as I’m concerned, there are only about 5 games on the Wii that are totally worth owning: Mario Galaxy, Zelda, Metroid, Wii Sports and Zach & Wiki.  That’s not a bad list at all, especially seeing the Wii isn’t very old, but for a system that’s selling so amazingly well to not have any AAA games on the horizon is pretty concerning.  Smash Bros, Mario Kart (although to be honest I’ve yet to play for more than a few minutes) and now Wii Fit are all out now, and they’re all straddling the line between good and mediocre.  I'll save the longer rant on unfulfilled potential for a later time, but try to remember all the things we've been told about the Wii: like how great it will be for FPS, how 1-1 movement will be possible, how hardcore fans won't be alienated and how shovel-ware won't make up the bulk of the games.  It's still to early to come to conclusions about each of those things, but trends are starting to develop, and as the amount of Wii units sold (to, lets face it, more casual users) goes up... rant over, i'll continue it in another article

Let’s focus on Wii Fit now.  First off, that balance board is AMAZING. It’s extraordinarily sensitive, works great on any surface I’ve tried (including thick carpet) and seems very well built.  There is no doubt that Wii Fit is very entertaining.  Each one of the balance games (like Ski Slalom, Soccer, Table Tilt, Penguin Slide and my personal favorite Ski Jump) is extremely fun, as are most of the aerobics exercises (Hula Hoop and Rhythm Boxing in particular).  The strength training exercises are just that, things like push ups (with side planks), lunges, rowing squats, each with a balance component telling you if you’re doing the exercise properly and for the correct amount of time. 

One of the biggest problems is the fact that each exercise must be selected individually.  The lack of a play list or workout plan is really crippling for a game which is supposed to help people get more active and lose weight.  Each exercise takes a certain amount of time (depending on the difficulty), then you’re forced to stand around for a few minutes and select the next one.  Not exactly ideal conditions for most people trying to get into shape; get your heart rate up for 5 minutes, then stand around for 2 or 3 trying to get the next exercise started.  There are a few other problems, but they’re mostly nitpicky, like the trainers’ voices being extremely grating, their lips not moving and the constant use of BMI to measure progress.

The thing Wii-Fit is probably best at is Yoga.  Yoga exercises are all about balance, and the incredibly sensitive balance board really helps you get into the proper positions and keep them.  Short of having a personal trainer in your house to check out your posture, it’s the best thing for yoga, and the Wii-Fit is certainly worth it for avid Yoga-philes.

While most of the exercises will certainly make you sweat, it’s hard to imagine it’s enough to get kids to get off the couch and lose weight.  But, being the avid gamer who can certainly lose a few (read about 30) pounds; I’m going to give it a shot and report back to the site with weekly updates.  Starting June 1, I’ll be using the Wii Fit for 30-45 minutes a day, switching back and forth between balance, aerobics, strength and yoga to see if it truly can make any difference.

Until then though, I can’t really recommend dropping $90 on this thing.  Resist the temptations of “This future game is going to be balance board compatible” and “Wouldn’t it be awesome to see this game become compatible with the Balance Board?” because truth is, it’s highly unlikely that any games will require the Balance Board (why limit your audience) and those controls will be tacked on.  I hope to god I’m wrong about that, because there truly is potential behind the balance board (Ski, Snowboard, Surfing, Skating, Time Crisis, etc) there’s just not enough right now to justify spending nearly half of what the system cost you in the first place to get a game which will, most likely, be put aside after a month or so.  I’m keeping optimistic that I’m wrong about this (especially since I own it) and I’ll certainly know more in a month or two.  Hell, if this thing can help me drop 6-10 lbs in a month, I’ll reverse my whole thinking.

Preliminary Grade: C +

Mahalo,

Duke

Coming up soon: Penny Arcade XBLA Review (Hint: Buy it)

 SAUER's Thoughts: I find it extremely ironic that my Nintendo called me fat yesterday. Not that it's lying, I've probably put on about 30lbs since my wedding four years ago. I just think that it's funny that the machine that causes me to sit on my ass for hours looking for every last star in Mario Galaxy or heart container in Zelda has the nerve to tell me I'm borderline obese. Not only that, but they made my cute little Mii that took an hour to create  look like Chunk from the Goonies. How dare they!!

Really though, the most upsetting thing about getting called overweight by WiiFit is the lack of realistic exercise activities to actually loose it. I'm not sure if I was just doing something wrong, but after almost an hour of Wii Fit game time (which is almost an hour and a half of real time selecting menus) I barely worked up a sweat. What Nintendo has done right, is create a new gimmick for us fanboys and soccer moms to salivate over. Will it really work? Definitely not on it's own. If I spent the same time at a gym working out as I did with Wii Fit I probably would have gotten a much better workout.

Still, Wii Fit is fun, and is still a game. Something that is much more appealing to me then walking on a treadmill for 45 minutes. Yoga and Strength training are the real workouts here, and work well as long as you don't cheat. The Aerobic and Balance games do very little, that couldn't be done somewhere else with more benefits.  Of course, they are also the activities that are the most fun. Running in place for 10 minutes is made entertaining with the help of various Mii's running beside you. It's nice to see even Cookie Monster enjoys a good jog in the park.

Is it worth $90? That's hard to say. Potentially, yes. Right now, Im not so sure. What you should come to realize is just how expensive work out gimmicks actually cost. my wife recently bought a set of workout tapes that were $140, so in that instance this is a bargain. If you don't count the $250 system you have to play it on, and that it probably won't warrant the same results. In a year from now the balance board will either be downstairs with the rest of my game controllers or collecting dust in a closet. Let's hope developers can figure out just how to use this new and cool Nintendo gadget to it's fullest potential.

 SAUER

Just a quick story/update for the site (more coming very soon, we PROMISE).  Sauer and I are admitted Nintendo fanboys (One a little more so than the other) and of course got swept up into the Wii Fit hype.  The problem is, we didn't get excited about it until very recently, thus neither of us pre-ordered it.  Of course, that didn't stop us from wanting it day one, so I woke up at the crack of 9 or so and began my foray into the wild and wonderful world of soccer moms that is the Wii Fit launch day.

Got to a Toys R Us at 9:30 (which was when they opened according to an out of date website listing) and saw a line of 20 people in line, each and every one a middle aged woman with a wedding ring, most speaking of their excitement over Nintendo getting their horrible little children off the couch and moving for once. I kept quite for a while, listening to the crazy amounts of strange misinformation being tossed around about the current state of video games. I wasn't here to flex my geek cred to a group of bored housewives and would have been perfectly fine with remaining silent and firing beams of hate in their general directions.  Then one insanely attractive housewife spoke up, taking on the silly claims of over the top nudity in games like Mass Effect, dispelling that old Laura Croft nude code myth and even talking about gaming sites like Kotaku.  My icy cold heart melted a little when she admitted she was an avid gamer in line for herself, not her hell-spawn of a child, and we exchanged gamertags like the mega geeks we are, promising to murder one another in Call of Duty 4 at some point in the near future.

A few minutes later a zombified store employee came out and said they only had 12 units to sell to those without pre-orders so the hunt was on for the rest of us.  Gamer Mom let me know she'd already been to 3 Target stores which were sold out, so I drove around to about 5 different stores finding out that I was just a little to late at each and every one of them.  Wii Fit mania is in full effect and I found myself hating bored housewives more and more by the second.  Just as I was going to give up, I stopped in a Walmart store and managed to grab the last two copies (one for myself, one for Lt. Sauer) much to the chagrin of the middle aged boar standing behind me.

 (Please note this is not a picture of either of us.  We only wish we were this awesome)

Expect our impressions pretty soon, as well as a couple GTA IV reviews (now that we've both finished the game), some Live Arcade reviews (Assault Heroes 2, Pinball FX, and Penny Arcade) and probably more pointless stories like this one.

Mahalo,

Duke

WOWOWOW

Some thoughts..

Radiohead, wow. Thom is a god. Greenwood a genius. Stage was filled with lots of  shards that projected various colors of the rainbow, while several small video images of the band performing played in the background. They played for exactly 2 hours. I, like most folks, did not want it to end.

setlist
01 All I Need - We start a little slow, a theme throughout the night.

02 bodysnatchers - a fun track.

03 there there - Wasn't all that excited to hear this, but Greenwood made it all better.

04 reckoner - What can I say, Thom hit all the right notes.

05 the gloaming - Thom started dancing like a mad man, this was better live then I remembered from the HTTT tour.

06 morning bell - MORNING BELL, MORNING BELL.

07 nude - Easily the biggest surprise, Thom absolutely nailed this song. His voice crystal clear put the audience in a trance. One of the best songs of the show.

08 how to disappear completely - ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL

09 15 step (very, very subdued. I was actually a little disappointed. Was expecting this to be a real rocker. Still double drums is always fun.

10 arpeggi - My favorite song on IR, was gimped when Johnny's Guitar stopped working. Thankfully, they stopped and replayed the end of the song to compensate.

11 idioteque - time to dance, just like all the KID A stuff, this is great Live music.

12 bulletproof - WOW!!!!!!, thank you so much for playing this instead of Fake Plastic Trees.

13 where I end and you begin - Another moment where my heart swelled.

14 airbag - You got to love anything off of OK Computer.

15 everything in its right place - Time to dance again, this track was lots of fun. Handclaps all around.

16 the national anthem - keeping with the upbeat, Thom really blew up the crowd here.

17 videotape - knew they would initially close with this. The song is still a little too simple, but sounded much more layered LIVE, then on record.

encore

18 optimistic - They're Back!!! with Optimistic? Kind of a buzz kill, but still a great rendition.

19 just - FKKING AMAZING!!!!!!

20 Faust Arp - Thom and John playing acoustic together, similar to the "sunrise" video from the WebCast. Brilliant.

21 exit music - THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Thom hit this one out of the park, full of emotion and sincerity..

22 bangers and mash - Thom beats those drums, and still sings like an angel

encore 2
23 house of cards - A bit mid tempo, but the crowd seemed really into it. Lots of folks love this song, probably a little more then I do.

24 street spirit - one of the best songs on the Bends, is still one of the best closers of all time.

10/10

After Thoughts?
Hate me, but I wanted Paranoid Android.
No Jigsaw?
T-shirts were Super Ugly. Basically lots of faded lyrics in giant multi-colored letters (In Rainbows Font).

58% The Forbidden Kingdom - Jackie Chan and Jet Li in a movie together? Brilliant, if this would been filmed about 10-15 years ago.

11% 88 Minutes - Not sure what happened here, but it looks like critics hate the new Al Pacino movie. Wait..there is a new Al Pacino movie?

What a lousy year for movies so far, I dont think even Iron Man or Indy can save 2008 at this point.

Hi..

 WTF?

Mortal Kombat 8 will have some sort of DC crossover. Why? It's also rumored that the only thing that made the MK series popular, (blood) will be removed. So sorry Marvel fanboys, you won't be able to rip out Batman's spleen and feed it to him. This call for one more WTF?.

Xmas in March:

Despite being March, Nintendo is selling consoles like it's Christmas. The console is still sold out everywhere, and people are buying their games. Lots of them. With the always popular Mario Kart franchise releasing this month, and the possible Goliath known as WiiFit launching in May will they ever be stopped? Let's hope they use this money to fix the awful online experience known as Super Smash Bros. Brawl

01. Nintendo Wii - 721,000
02. Nintendo DS - 698,000
03. PlayStation Portable - 297,000
04. Xbox 360 - 262,000
05. PlayStation 3 - 257,000
06. PlayStation 2 - 216,000

01. Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii) - 2,700,000
02. Rainbow Six Vegas (360) - 752,300
03. Army of Two (360) - 606,100
04. Wii Play/w Remote (Wii) - 409,800
05. God Of War: Chains Of Olympus (PSP) - 340,500
06. Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII (PSP) - 301,600
07. Guitar Hero III (Wii) - 264,100
08. MLB2K8 (360) - 237,100
09. Call Of Duty 4 (360) - 237,000
10. Army Of Two (PS3) - 224,900

Ricky Gervais in Grand Theft Auto 4 as himself

So, it looks like the original Office boss will be making an appearance in the new Grand Theft Auto game. Actually playing as himself. I'm pretty surprised considering the average 15 year old who will play it has no idea who he is. Dane Cook not available?

If you’ve already played God of War or GOW II, you can stop reading this review now, since Conan is simply a mediocre rip-off of the God Of War series that’s probably not worth your time (unless you’re utterly obsessed with seeing digital boobies, which Conan has in spades).  If you missed the God of War boat, Conan is a solid if unspectacular beat-em up game.

The story behind Conan is shallow: Conan kills lots of people in order to get his   armor back piece by piece.  Along the way, he saves a bunch of topless girls randomly chained to rocks who immediately offer you sex in exchange for saving them.  Unlike God of War, you can’t make good on their offer, nor can you kill them.  They just bend over and grab their ankles, shake their boob and stand there as Conan chops of hundred of limbs in spectacular fashion. 

The fighting system in Conan is one of its strongest suits.  There are tons of different combos for you to learn and use, and three different types of weapons which each have their own moves, one handed weapons, dual wielded weapons and two handed weapons.  In order to learn new moves, you just have to slaughter enemies and gather colored orbs.  You can spend these orbs to buy new combos, and using them produces even more orbs to help build up your arsenal of combos.  There is also a magic system which is underutilized (only 4 magic moves) and doesn’t add much to the game.

The boss fights are another strong suit of the game.  Most bosses are enormous and put up quite a fight.  Unfortunately, the overused “Press a button at the right time” events end each boss fight, but it doesn’t detract too much from the fights.  I really wish developers would figure out a new way to finish boss fights off, but creativity isn’t a strong-suit of this game as it is.

Overall, Conan is strictly for people who either haven’t played God of War or are desperate for a God of War/Heavenly Sword type beat-em up game.  Or people who really love digital boobies.

Oh and I’m going to take a page from 1up and move away from the number rating system and instead give letter grades.  For some reason 5.0/10 is so often seen as god awful instead of middle of the road.

Mahalo,

Duke 

- Sauer

PS - If you're wondering what's on it, well that's a surprise, but my Top 25 should give you a few hints.

Lots of announcements this week thanks to GDC. Let's get them out of the way.

Gears of War 2 announced, surprises no one.

What a bummer, I think it's time for Microsoft to drop that stupid download cap, and let developers free. Screw those folks without a hardrive, they are stupid, stupid people and don't deserve the yummy games.

Mariokart, WiiFit, and Wiiware this spring. The rest of the year? Dusty Wii's.

Portal 2 announced: There is a god, and he wants cake.

HD-DVD Vs Blu-Ray officially over. Hooray, now who wants to re-buy their entire DVD collection?

Smash Brothers Brawl sells more then WiiFit in Japan. Gaming not dead afterall?